“Yeah, like, we're in a sorority, but we're, like, way cooler than the other sororities. 'Maaaaa'.”
“Yeah, like, the other sororities are like, 'blah blah' and we're just like, 'ma'.”
“Yeah, like, the other girls don't even know and stuff.”
“Hahahahahaha!” Their chorus chimed in unison.
My head was spinning. Blah and ma? It doesn't take a freshman level business class and the first Kanye album to know those aren't even greek words. I don't know what I am doing.
So what am I doing? Partying. In a sorority. I've just entered the lions den. Actually, the lioness den.
“So it's like, Casino Night. 'Waaaaaaa'...” One girl explained.
“Yeah, like a fundraiser. For philanthropy.”
“Ohh, what organizations do you support?” I asked.
“Ahh, like, these T-shirts! Aren't they fab?”
“Yes.” I replied. Merely yes.
“Have a shot! Shot, shot, shot, shot shot! Shot, shot, shot, shot shot...!” Another chorus of voices called out like wolves to the moon. And I shot the liquor.
“So what's your name?” I asked a girl to my left.
“What do you mean?”
“What do you mean, what do you mean? What is your name?” I replied, stunned at the return question.
“'Cccsss'. It's Jessica. Like you even know what that is.”
I needed more liquor.
Several shots and several hours later I found myself in a beer pong game as the first of the fraternity guys arrived.
“We're at the party! 'Yyyyrrrrr'!”
Oh my god. What cruel twist of fate has put me in this place. I wondered if guerillas in the wild used such guttural language. There was nothing Grecian about that meat neck call to action.
“Round a' shots!” A tray of shitty vodka was brought to the table. Here goes... I'm out of here after this drink. 'Slam'.
“Another, 'grrrrraaarrrrr', shot!” The frat guy said. “Shot, shot, shot, shot shot! Shot, shot... and with joy, revel, and applause, we transform ourselves to beasts!”
God damn, I thought, not another sho... wait... “Was that Othello?” I asked the guy next to me.
“Duh, bra.” A tight shirt, body builder brohaus said back.
I took the shot. “Really?”
“This guy needs another one. Pour 'em up, Thad.” Lieutenant Hollister on my left said to the group.
“Well, I'm not...” I stuttered.
“Another round! Another quote!” They all demanded.
Shots raised high, a skinny, horizontally stripped homeboy declared, “Dost thou think, because thou art virtuous-”
“Enough Shakespeare, Thaddeus, I grow tired of his decrepit speech!” Hollister interjected. I... Was... Stunned...
Without missing a beat, Thaddeus retorted, “Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says to love thy enemy!” 'Slam'. “Is that contemporary enough for you, Conrad?”
“Why not start blowing lines and reading The Rum Diaries for us!” Conrad retorted snidely.
“That was a Hunter S. Thompson quote?” I asked, utterly shocked at the complexity the conversation had taken.
“No, Sinatra. Thaddeus listens to more of the Rat Pack than the 60's. Hahaha!”
“Conrad, please. You wouldn't know good music if you heard it!”
I couldn't believe my ears.
“So you say your Contemporary Business Theory class is less fulfilling than you'd hoped?” I questioned Jessica, the girl from earlier in the night. Late night had become early morning and we were all still in high gear.
“Yeah, I started in pre-law but found the classes too undercutting for my moral code. You can't fabricate the laws of nature and principle. That seems to be all we study in that class. Far too Machiavellian for me.”
“Wow, I couldn't agree more. Perspective is important. Despite justice being blind, it can be dumb too.”
“Haha. You seem like a nice guy.” Jessica said. “Did you ever figure out my name?”
“Excuse me?” I replied.
“Earlier I wondered if you knew what my name meant? If perspective is your deal then this is good perspective on myself.”
“No, I'm not up on my name origins.”
“For spotting Othello earlier I expected more...” She said coyly as I blushed. “The first use of the name Jessica was in The Merchant of Venice. She's Shylock's daughter. The name also comes from Hebrew. It means clairvoyant. You know, I could tell you were a nice guy when I first saw you.”
“Thanks. Could I get your phone number? Maybe I can call you before I leave.” I asked.
“Yeah, here it is. I know your not in town long but we should go get coffee tomorrow or something. Call me. Ohh yes, and another note about the origin of my name... My daddy's, like, totally rich. 'Maaaaa'. He owns a mega-yacht.” Woof, I must be sobering up.
“Lets have another shot then.” I said. “Here's to a long life and a merry one, a quick death and an easy one, a pretty girl and an honest one, and a cold beer and another one!” 'Slam'.
“Here here!” Jessica smilingly replied.
I woke up the next morning on the floor of the hallway. As I thought back to the night before, I couldn't believe what I remembered. Sorority girls, fraternity guys... thoughtful conversations. I really had fun.
As I found my phone I realized I had a missed call and a new message from Jessica. I checked the message. As I listened, it became apparent that it was a pocket dial. Most of the conversation wasn't clear until I heard, “My daddy's like totally rich. He owns a mega-yacht.” And then in my own voice I heard, “Another 'Bbuuffmm'! Shot, shot, shot, shot shot! Shot, shot, shot, shot shot!”
“Fuck yeah!” Jessica then slurred.
Had what I thought about last night been a hallucination? It all seems very real- the conversations, the people, the true connection I felt with this new group of friends. It couldn't have been fake, could it?
As I walked out of the sorority, I saw a lot of the same faces from the night before. Without comment I eased my way outside. Once through the door I recognized the brohauses from the beer pong table.
“Dude, you were, like, 'maa' last night, bra.” One said to another.
“'Cccssshhh'! Whatev dude, you were like 'blah blah' and I was like 'mcgrrrrfffff. Right onto Jessica!”
“Dude, it was all those shots man. Shitty vodka, WTF.”
“Next time just tell Thaddeus to quit quoting Shakespeare and we'll be all right...”
I wrote this as my little drummer boy thank you to Nicole, her roommates, and the nice girls of Kappa Kappa Gamma that I met today. Thanks again for the hospitality!
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